Polar Vortex 2014 'It's so cold that...' jokes to keep you warm

January 8, 2014 3:37:56 AM PST
It's so cold that... everyone is trying to be funny about how cold it is.

Late night hosts ganged up on the weather:

"It was so cold, the 49ers coach got a concussion when he was hit with a block of Gatorade." — Conan O'Brien

"It's so cold that in Georgia, Honey Boo Boo actually wore shoes. In Maine, lobsters were throwing themselves into boiling pots. In Chicago, people were wearing deep-dish pizzas on their feet." — Craig Ferguson

"With the wind chill it got down to 63 below zero in parts of Montana. At that temperature, if you remove your hat your thoughts will actually freeze inside your brain." — Jimmy Kimmel

And as for the name given to the arctic blast:

"A #PolarVortex sounds like something Mr. Freeze would use to destroy Gotham City... or a new flavor of Powerade." — Jimmy Kimmel

Facebook users had a sense of humor about it, too:

It's as cold as... "A brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska!"
— WABC New York viewer Jenny Tozzi

"So cold, I saw Superman in a cab."
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Phil Gayden

"Today's forecast is 'holy crap I can't feel my freaking face' degrees."
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Gaby Robles

"The devil got under my covers and told me to keep him warm cuz hell had frozen over."
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Ivan Ibarra

"Good tanning weather! *insert sarcasm here*"
— ABC7 Chicago viewer Janina Rocio Sandoval

"It's so cold I just saw a teenager with their pants pulled up!"
— ABC11 viewer Stan Donna Smith

"It's so cold that tomorrow is canceled."
— ABC11 viewer Bryan Lassiter

"It's so cold that I saw two beagles with jumper cables trying to get a rabbit started."
— ABC11 viewer Don Currie

Even the Associated Press got in on the game:

"The morning weather map for the eastern half of the U.S. looked like an algebra worksheet — lots of small, negative numbers."
— AP reporter Ray Henry

And since we're all stuck inside, here are some that never get old:

It's so cold that...

"...hitchhikers are holding up pictures of thumbs."

"...the optician is giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses."

"...pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm."

"...I chipped a tooth on my soup!"

"...if you want to hear what someone is saying, you have to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire."

See some more classic cold jokes here.


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